WHO IS—AND WHO IS NOT—A CYBERBULLY
Of course, not every social media user with a complaint is a cyberbully. The vast majority of people commenting on your Facebook page or tweeting at your company likely have legitimate concerns or complaints.
Others will stand out clearly as cyberbullies. Here are a few of their hallmarks:
- A lack of details or concrete demands. They really just want to rant.
- Statements that seem designed to start arguments or get people angry
- Foul language, hate speech, and otherwise inappropriate content
I found a great article online explaining the effects of Bullying on a person physiologically and shows what this Bullying has done to me. Of course, Kory Read don’t want to believe any of this is true, that would mean that they are responsible. It’s okay, it took me a while to accept what I was experiencing.
The paranoia, the fear and anxiety, the helplessness, the depression, extreme sadness, the hallucinations, the psychosis and always in pain, inside and out. How the constant stress and fight or flight response sets off the Fibromyalgia flares. All the crying and screaming I have done and still do. No, Kory & Allison Read say I am fake as they refuse to see me as a real human being, and they have, nor shown, any empathy towards for what they write about me. Kory & Allison Read write as though my emotional and physical health is less important than their own desire for the thrill of attacking me online in this way!
No, they prefer to take my life and twist it into their nasty version they want people to see, and it isn’t even close! How can it be, they are strangers! The absurdity of their writings is getting so obvious, and they are digging a hole for themselves they won’t get out of for a long time to come! Sure they might hide their names, but it is easy to find, like I did. They are building some reputation for themselves as people not to be trusted.
Bullying is Abuse
Here’s a few statements to get us started: 1) Bullying is a form of abuse, and 2) Bullying is a narcissistic sort of act. In making the first statement here, I mean to say that both bullying and traditional forms of abuse are selfish and/or sadistic, destructive, and often violent acts perpetrated upon victims who do not in any way, shape or form deserve to be treated in that manner. In making the second statement I’m suggesting that ring-leader bullies (those who organize bullying) are behaving as though the emotional and physical health of their victims is not important or is at least less important than their own desire for the thrill of aggression and dominance. Narcissists treat other people as though they were objects either to be used, or discarded, and the bully both uses his victim (for purposes of self-gratification and aggrandizement) and then discards him.
Bullying Causes Long-Term Emotional Damage
The experience of being bullied can end up causing lasting damage to victims. This is both self-evident, and also supported by an increasing body of research. It is not necessary to be physically harmed in order to suffer lasting harm. Words and gestures are quite enough.
Bullying is an attempt to instill fear and self-loathing. Being the repetitive target of bullying damages your ability to view yourself as a desirable, capable and effective individual.
There are two ugly outcomes that stem from learning to view yourself as a less than desirable, incapable individual. The first ugly outcome is that it becomes more likely that you will become increasingly susceptible to becoming depressed and/or angry and/or bitter. Being bullied teaches you that you are undesirable, that you are not safe in the world, and (when it is dished out by forces that are physically superior to yourself) that you are relatively powerless to defend yourself. When you are forced, again and again, to contemplate your relative lack of control over the bullying process, you are being set up for Learned Helplessness (e.g., where you come to believe that you can’t do anything to change your ugly situation even if that isn’t true), which in turn sets you up for hopelessness and depression.
At the same time, you may be learning that you are helpless and hopeless, you are also learning how you are seen by bullies, which is to say, you are learning that you are seen by others as weak, pathetic, and a loser. And, by virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe that these things the bullies are saying about you are true.
Please, check out the link above that goes to another site exposing Adult Bullies and Smear Campaigns! Very interesting articles written there and very knowledgeable. Unfortunately, this is everywhere but it is time as a society, for it to stop!
Employers have to make sure your workplace is safe. That covers protection from physical harm. It also applies to psychological abuse.
Your job may have turned hostile if you’re being harassed or bullied. Under certain conditions that can constitute a “poisoned” environment under Canadian law.
What Is A Poisoned Workplace?
Every job has its share of indignities to put up with. Like playful teasing and name-calling. Or harmless though unsolicited flirting.
If those behaviours go from good-natured to offensive, employers have a duty to prevent – or deal effectively with – this harassment. Letting the situation persist means they aren’t fulfilling their obligation.
At a point where you feel unwelcome (or unsafe) at work because of the company’s failure to resolve the problem, its environment may have become poisoned.
Which Types of Harassment Are Included?
It’s not so much the type of abuse that matters. What counts is whether the employer has in place policies and procedures to deal with harassment, and if they make a proper effort to ensure that it’s dealt with appropriately.
So pretty much any form of tormenting can qualify. These are some of the common ones:
- Bullying (intimidating someone, hounding them, making someone a victim)
- Sexual harassment (unwanted flirting, comments, jokes, physical advances)
- Physical harassment (undesired rough play, unsafe contact, threats of attack)
- Discrimination (treating someone adversely based on their race, gender, disability, etc.)
Basically if the behaviour is degrading, menacing or abusive you should consider reporting it.
I think it might be helpful to get a flavor of how many narcissists react to being caught lying would be to present my response in the form of a hypothetical conversational snippet.
In the following hypothetical, the narcissist relationship partner is a guy and the significant other is a gal.
Narcissists/Psychopaths and How They Are Apt Respond When Caught Lying
Title: “The Old Flip Flop”
SO: (genuinely concerned)
Do you remember how we promised one another to always be straightforward and candid rather than behave in a sneaky manner?
Narc: (sensing a conflict on the horizon; therefore responds in a suspicious tone which signals to the SO that a fight might jump off any second)
Yeah….…….so what of it??
SO: (making a good-faith effort to not sound either accusatory or “judgey.”)
I have to mention that last night it was kind of off putting when you kept covering up your cell phone each time I was within three feet of it……….I thought we decided to be forthright with one an….….
Narc: (immediately interrupting, goes on the offensive; commences to pull the old “flip flop” maneuver)
I knew it!!! You are such a treacherous snake!! How could you go slithering and sneaking around behind my back?!?!
SO: (confused, bewildered, off balance)
Wait, I am talking about your behavior, not mine. On the one hand, you always want to know what I am doing, where I am, who I am with on a 24/7 basis.
However, on the other hand, as soon I am within a three foot radius of your telecheat, strike that, I mean telephone, you go ballistic. You know it would be nice if you would simply……………
Narc: (abruptly interrupting again and feigning being appalled)
Oh no you don’t even go there with your holier than thou routine!! Now that you admitted to having betrayed me; I am at a loss. How could you!! I thought we had an agreement. I think you owe me an apology!!!!
SO: (befuddled….bewildered….trying to get a grip on the narcissist’s mental gymnastics routine)
Huh!?!? How did this conversation get turned upside down?!? I wanted to get something straight with you regarding our agreement to treat one another in the same manner we would expect to be treated.
Narc: (enjoying exerting power and superiority over his hapless SO; interrupting, in order to further provoke her)
Who do you think you are to judge me?!? You are not better than me!!
SO: (regrouping, calmly without animation)
As you know, I have always risen to the occasion and been there for you when you needed a stability source. Just last week you told me you would start to make an effort to treat me with the same love and loyalty that I have always provided you whenever you needed it.
Based on your actions, I am now under the impression when we speak you are merely pretending to listen. Maybe if you stopped looking for fresh attention from new sources you would not be so distracted all the time.
Narc: (anger explosion in the form of a “distract attack.” He attempts to steer conversation away from his SO’s accurately calling him out on the fact he pretends to listen to her when she speaks.)
That’s it. You sound as if you are completely off your rocker! Are you going to book an appointment with with a psychiatrist, as in like tomorrow, or am I going to have to do it for you!! I can’t take your incoherent yammering any longer!
SO: (fatigued and resigned to the fact that the narcissist relationship partner will not compromise)
You know what? You are right, I must be babbling. I am exhausted. I am going to bed.
Post Conversation Analysis
When many narcissists feel threatened, they are prone to start making circular arguments, projecting, and going on the attack.
Some narcissists who are called out for hypocritical and mean-spirited behaviors will reflexively make counter accusations in an effort to…….…
••confuse any and all issues
••avoiding facing the issues at hand
••project their behavior onto their SOs
••make false allegations
Narcissists want any discussions about their deceitful conduct to devolve into a scene of utter mayhem in order to give them a pretext to petulantly stomp off.
Many narcissists present as if they are the aggrieved victims of their SOs’ unfair accusations and harassment. However, in actuality, it is narcissists who often portray themselves as victims in order to elicit sympathy and attention from others. Hence, I think the title of the above-referenced conversational snippet is fitting and appropriate — The Old Flip Flop.
Another great article below I copied. This writer really gets to the point doesn’t he? I like his style and so true! I am exposing Kory & Allison Read as Adult Bullies who have a Smear Campaign going online against other people and as a result, they are becoming more nasty and mean in the content on these sites. How obvious can you be in your actions?
You can see this reaction in the newly added content on the Smearing websites posted by Kory & Allison Read, as they have become more vindictive and manipulative. They have taken all the info they have received in various letters and notices from when I worked here and during the HRTO process, and is twisting it to fit his narrative, which is why they only show bits. Even the items he does shows, he only highlights on there what he wants you to look at but if you read the whole, the truth is there.
They even shared a notice from Sept 2018 that I didn’t write and you can tell. I always signed my name on all letters and notices I did. This one even states “the building staff, and property owners, are available”. If Kory & Allison Read bothered to comprehend these things he may have noticed the difference. They also share a letter where I give the info for the company of Alto Properties Inc and it clearly states at the bottom that “you should not copy it, forward it, or use it for any purpose or disclose the contents to any person.” Yet, here Kory & Allison Read share it online for anyone looking to see. I put that privacy notice on the bottom for this specific purpose, so it wouldn’t be shared. Now they broke the privacy laws of Ontario! See what I mean about boundaries and not having any care about crossing them?
Why would anyone believe a word coming out of Kory & Allison Read when they have shown to not respect anyone else’s personal boundaries and that of morality? They have no morals if they are able to smear people as they are online in these sites in such a manner.
We are ONLY a TOOL or an OBSTACLE to a Narcissist – it is ALWAYS and ONLY about what they want and when you don’t provide it you will see the true psychopathy of their rage and annihilation of your life and world – especially if you call them out for their deception. A Narcissist intentionally smears the reputation of anybody that has any personal connection to them because we ALL have an expiration date with them based on a particular need or something they want from us! Once they are done they need to silence us by trying to destroy our reputation!
So much truth in these words. NOBODY can understand how the Narcissist weaves little bits of truth from KNOWING us into horrendous and slanderous lies to use against a target/victim that has caught onto their delusional world. They have purposely accumulated so much information from our personal connection with them and they mean to distort that information and turn it against us WHEN THEY NEED TO. That is what can make their stories SEEM somewhat true to the listener because they personalize it with real information that was totally distorted! Remember they are shrewd manipulators and liars and have been acting out against their victims ALL of their lives so they are pros at this. Never put anything past them when you have seen through their façade – they will fiercely protect themselves and fight dirty. Otherwise they will be outed as the abuser they really are and they cannot ever allow that!
So then, what is the kiss of death to a predator like the Narcissist, EXPOSURE because it’s like a repellant that warns new and potential prey (supply) to mistrust and run away from the Narcissist! So with this in mind a Narcissist lives in constant fear of people finding out that they are a wolf behind sheep’s clothing, or they ONLY use ALL people, they want to take away or extort everything that you have that they don’t have, and they will vandalize your reputation/integrity and good image to improve their own – they malign all people – especially when you uncover their motives. They live in the constant fear of ANYBODY learning the shocking truth about their past exploits, or the many other people they have intentionally destroyed. They also live in constant fear of people discovering what they do in the shadows or their immoral and perverse world and the many ‘others’ they participate with regularly because they MUST maintain that moral façade.
So what a Narcissist puts into motion is pathological — treating us like dirt and maligning us behind our backs to control and destroy us because in time we realize the truth so they MUST destroy us first to escape exposure of who and what they are. This is seriously WRONG and distorted beyond any words I can convey because they lure us into their world with false emotions so they can extort whatever it is they need from us – and then as if to add insult to the injury they are going to seriously try to silence us AND destroy us so they can move on to their next target. They are predators that are pre-loaded with delusion, psychopathy, and abuse. This seriously puts Narcissists in their own special class with Psychopaths or like a branch from the same Psychopath tree. The class of people who don’t wish you or any other human being any sense of well-being, no matter what or how friendly, caring or loving you are. This is the same class of predators as physical, sexual or ANY other kind of abusive predator and Narcissists are just as dangerous. Seriously we MUST internalize that Narcissists really are predators and dangerous, but many people just don’t appreciate the true meaning or the reality of Narcissistic abuse or see it as destructive as it is to people, families, organizations, or anybody that has any connection to a Narcissist. NO/minimal contact to get completely away from these abusers. Greg
I just read another great article on shock tactics used by Bullies like Kory & Allison Read, as I shared on these pages. I see so much of my own experience in these articles online! I found myself many times shaking my head in amazement over their imagination in the content on the various sites they have had. Now, Kory & Allison Read are wasting their time re-doing the content and that’s okay.
Narcissistic shock tactics that they use to confound, confuse, and traumatize. How many times have you found yourself shaking your head in complete amazement AND confusion at what the Narcissist has just said to you? How many times have you been so shocked with things they have said that are the direct opposite of what you know they have said, or maybe what YOU have said, or something that is an outright LIE? How many times have you tried to rationalize through their constant maze of chaos? How many times you seen bright red flags that gave you that sense that something is terribly wrong with this person? Let’s RESOLVE this with truth and clarity and purge it out of our hearts and heads – there is something wrong with this person.
With abusive and high-conflict individuals (Narcissists) there is no truth, reality, compromise or understanding which equates to absolutely NO EMPATHY, care, or truth on their part as long as it serves them. With a Narcissist there is merely a pattern of distortion and manipulation of facts/reality with a delusionary design or spin. What that interprets into for their target/victim is emotional and psychological terrorism and abuse. THIS WAS NEVER about you or anything YOU did – this is about the pathological person/Narcissist standing in front of you. They are like poison to all people!
Ambiguity, lies, and deception are a coward’s tool in re-writing reality, but the Narcissist also does this with an agenda in mind and that is to secure a steady base of SUPPLY! They feed off of our lives, pretend to be something to us when they are NOTHING, steal from us, backstab us to create chaos ALL AROUND our lives, live a perverse lifestyle while they are pretending to be someone special in our lives, then blame and shame us into believing we are the PROBLEM and even take it to the point of convincing us we are mentally ill or insane on top of it all, and finally they smear our good name and integrity!
During these past few years I have been in touch with thousands of people whose lives have been shattered by emotional abuse. Some of this abuse has come from within the family unit, from people who should have had their back but instead were the ones holding the knife. Others have experienced abuse from ‘friends’ (I use that term lightly) or within the workplace. Regardless of where this abuse comes from, the effects can be absolutely devastating. To add to the pain that each and every one has suffered, these people often reach out to friends, family or professionals only to find that they are not believed or that the abuse they endured, is played down and considered trivial because there are no visible marks or scars. This invalidation adds further pain to the individual who has suffered more than enough.
Unfortunately, people who have not experienced emotional abuse, have little understanding of the devastation caused by this form of maltreatment. Sadly, this applies to many psychologists and therapists whose knowledge of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is somewhat limited. These counsellors can do more harm than good. In the cases of couples counselling, the therapist is often taken in by the narcissist and blames the target, not the perpetrator. Narcissists are pathological liars who show no emotion when lying which is why they are so often believed. They will also tell the truth in misleading ways giving the therapist an incorrect perspective, for example, telling part of a story where they talk about your behaviour, leaving out their provocation that made you react to their abuse.
‘In order for couples counselling to be successful, both partners must be willing to take responsibility for their actions and make adjustments to their behaviour. Abusive people want all the power and control in the relationship and will focus on maintaining that imbalance, even if it means continuing unhealthy and hurtful behaviour patterns. Many callers to the Hotline have related stories of trying and ‘failing’ at couples counselling because of an abusive partner’s focus on manipulating the sessions to place blame, minimize the abuse and attempt to win over the therapist to their side.’ (The National Domestic Violence Hotline)
It is imperative, when searching for a therapist or counsellor, that you ascertain they understand this dynamic and are up to speed on the subject of NPD. There are many excellent counsellors out there. Make sure you engage the help of the right one.
It is estimated that one in three targets of abuse will develop PTSD as a result of what was done to them. This is treatable with the correct help and support. Please click here for more information on PTSD.
Society in general needs to be educated about narcissism, including therapists, law enforcement officers, judges, attorneys, and barristers. Sometimes their lack of knowledge and understanding of malignant narcissism results in a target of such abuse being further abused by the judicial system or counsellors who are supposed to help them. The uneducated tend to think that a narcissist is someone who loves themselves and have no insight into the long term psychological damage these people often cause. This disorder goes way beyond selfishness and self-love, in fact, narcissists are often plagued with self-loathing and self-doubt. Although this type of personality frequently displays an air of grandiosity and arrogance, behind the false exterior there often lies a vulnerability and such a very fragile ego. Their overreaction to some perceived slight can be absolutely devastating to those they target.
Professionals and the general public need to educate themselves on terms such as:
GASLIGHTING which is an insidious process which occurs over a period of time resulting in the person being gaslighted questioning their own reality and/or sanity. Please click here for more information on Gaslighting.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR such as the silent treatment which is a favourite tactic of an abuser where all attempts at communication are met with deadly silence. Please click here more information on The Silent Treatment.
Experts throughout the world use criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) which is published by the American Psychiatric Association, to diagnose mental health conditions such as NPD.
The Mayo Clinic sets out the criteria from the DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder:
- Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
- Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it.
- Exaggerating your achievements and talents.
- Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
- Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people.
- Requiring constant admiration.
- Having a sense of entitlement.
- Expecting special favours and unquestioning compliance with your expectations.
- Taking advantage of others to get what you want.
- Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
- Being envious of others and believing others envy you.
- Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner.
Diagnosis is by trained mental health professionals. To be diagnosed with the rather unflattering label of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, one must possess at least five of the traits mentioned. A common and very important trait, which is not mentioned in this list, is that of little or no empathy. There are many who believe that as this is such a key aspect in people with NPD that it should have been included in the diagnostic criteria.
Many people have no understanding of why someone would remain in a relationship with someone who is abusive either emotionally or physically. Some well-intentioned individuals will ask questions like, ‘Why did you not just leave?’ If only it was a simple as that. Targets of abuse may be beaten down over time with neither the desire nor strength to fight. They may be tied to their abuser by a psychological phenomenon known Trauma Bonding. Please click here for more information on Trauma Bonding.
People need to understand that recovering from narcissistic abuse is a lengthy process. Never put a time limit on your recovery. For some, this will take two or three years but sadly for many, much longer. Give time, plenty of time. Education is a key part in recovery. No blame should be placed on a target of abuse. There is light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. We just need to know how to switch it on.
Written by Anne McCrea
Mayo Clinic Staff, (2014), Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, [Online], accessed Feb 2016.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (2014), Why We Don’t Recommend Couples Counselling for Abusive Relationships [Online], accessed December 2018.
Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well, along with websites created online specifically to make fun of and demean individuals.
Cyber bullies, like any bully, want to feel power and control over their victim. They want to get under their victim’s skin.Cyberbullies have created websites dedicated to insulting, mocking and humiliating their prey in the most vicious way possible.With digital video becoming ubiquitous beatings are now digitally recorded and uploaded so everyone can have a front row seat and the bloodlust can be enjoyed again and again.How can cyber bullies be so heartless? Perhaps the internet lends itself to this indifference. Bullies don’t have to see their victims or answer for their actions. Like the cowards they are they hide behind their computers and smartphones – behind a veil of anonymity.Remember, bullies often suffer from low self-esteem and they want to feel better about themselves. Instead of doing something positive or succeeding at something or making a new friend a bully has learned to make themselves feel better by controlling, abusing and tearing down others. This gives them a sense of control and power they don’t have in their lives. Most bullies are actually quite weak and the same is true of cyber bullies.Bullies are hoping to get you upset so you slip up and make a mistake. Don’t send flames and don’t get into flame wars. (Flames are nasty, sometimes threatening emails.).
There is no rhyme, reason, or emotional understanding with a crazymaker. Worse, when the behavior is stealthy and confusing, it becomes easy to feel crazy. It feels like you’re caught in a whirlwind of chaos, with the life force being sucked from you as you are manipulated with nonstop crazymaking tactics.
The Top 3 Crazymaker Types
Narcissists. The granddaddy of all crazymakers. Narcissists cannot empathize with anyone, meaning they cannot relate to your feelings. They only feel their own wants and needs. They are emotionally stunted, like a perpetually demanding 2-year-old. It is always about them. However, they can be extremely charming and charismatic, as they have learned how to be the greatest sales people to get their needs met. They can charm and mimic compassion for brief moments in order to get their needs satisfied. They expect only the best and can be the most materialistic—demanding trophy-relationships, endless objects of success, only well-known acquaintances, top-notch services, lavish vacations, etc. They have disdain for emotions in others and often think even less of people close to them. They try to control everyone around them and will use every available tactic to gain control. Many high-ranking executives are narcissists and consequently tend to create a narcissistic culture in their company or division.
I just read this article and wanted to share. Such powerful words written here!
There are so many articles like these and I wish I could share them all! They are so helpful for people like me whom are struggling to recover from such verbal abuse as I am from Bullies like Kory & Allison Read.
I shared enough for you to see the truth in their own words. I need show nothing else than their own written documents, emails, and letters for people to see that Kory Read & Allison Read are Smearing me online in their websites to try and ruin my life. It all just plain old revenge for their eviction!
Types Of Adult Bullies
First and foremost comes the Narcissistic adult bully. Narcissists who choose to bully other adults do so because they lack empathy or fear of adverse repercussions. Furthermore, they generally struggle with self-esteem issues, hence their compulsion to constantly denigrate other people. People who truly love themselves don’t have to tear others down to feel superior. Narcissists will try to prove how secure they are, although, their mistreatment of others speaks volumes every time.
Verbal adult bullies tend to use their words to belittle their victims. It’s important not to minimize the impacts of verbal bullying simply because these impacts are not tangible. Words are very powerful, and they can ruin reputations, careers, inner self-worth, and other things which someone may have going for themselves. A notable amount of verbal adult bullies spread rumors, gossip about them behind their backs, and otherwise, use words to be mean and hurtful.
Handling Bullying If You Are The Bully
If you happen to be the perpetrator of adult bullying, it’s critical for you to know that what you are doing is not OK. Regardless of what your reasons or motivations may be, targeting someone and mistreating them is never an appropriate course of action. What you are doing is hurting another human being. If you are bullying someone, the first thing you should do is immediately stop what you are doing.
The compulsion to bully others is very troubling and disturbing. This could be a sign of an unresolved, underlying issue, or a problem which is happening in your personal life. Regardless of the problem, becoming an adult bully is never OK or acceptable. For this reason, you might consider working with a professional therapist. A mental health therapist can truly help you heal as an individual and deal with your problems which may be causing you to lash out at others.
Some new links to great articles I found online!
Behind the Narcissist Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar and Fraud
Narcissists are classic bullies. They ambush, attack without cause, and prey on the most vulnerable within their grasp, usually those who love and depend on them, namely their spouse and children, who as a result carry lasting emotional and physiological trauma.
Narcissists often also abuse employees, susceptible friends, and “underlings” such as waiters and clerks. Exploiting their power over others in any way possible feeds their endless need to feel superior, and their lack of empathy gives them free range to abuse without the troubling hindrance of a conscience.
Deceitful people will never admit to any wrongdoing. They’ll never stop to think and reflect on their own actions. They’ll never understand that they are the ones that need to change their ways. Because they are not mature enough for that.
And no matter how hard you try to win an argument with them, the reality is that you’ll never come out on top.
Because they will do whatever it takes to prove they aren’t to blame. They’ll try any dirty trick at their disposal to twist the truth.
You can shout at them, curse, them, or shower them with facts – but none of this will make a difference. Because they’re experts at reality distortion. They are masters at giving new meanings to words. They’re professionals at making other people doubt their own sense of logic and reality.
Below I share some links to various websites I have accessed during my recovery over the past couple of years. There is so much more than I can share here but at least you will get an idea of where I am coming from and some of the articles that have greatly helped me understand what I was experiencing. No one can really know how it feels to be the victim of such a smear campaign as what is going on about me online unless you have experienced something similar, but you can gain an understanding and experience empathy.
The more I read, and was told by others I spoke too, the more I was able to see the patterns in the various documents and actions of Kory & Allison Read. I actually went back and re-read a lot of it and was able to see it more clearly and it helped quite a bit.
I have read so much information on Bullies, Smear Campaigns, and Narcissism that I know this situation will never happen to me again, as I now know what to look for, and I am a much stronger person.
The main thing I learned:
Total strangers have no reason to make and post websites about someone else, like what Kory & Allison Read have done. Kory & Allison Read are not family, nor friends, to any of the individuals named on these websites online and there is no excuse to write as if he is. As strangers to me, he cannot know what I am thinking at any time, as he tries to convey in his voluminous documents. He even tries to tell me how to do my job in some places. I got so sick of seeing the words “it appears” basically before every sentence as I knew Kory Read was going to follow it with his opinion once again. It was all wrong!
What is Cyber-Libel?
Cyber-libel is when someone has posted or emailed something that is untrue and damaging about you on the internet. The internet has created the easy ability for almost anybody to communicate with almost anyone. This ability has a dark side – the average person’s reputation or a small business’s hard-earned goodwill can be harmed in a serious way.
Unfortunately, cyber-libel is becoming more common. In the past, only famous people had libel and slander issues. Today, it is the common person who must deal with this issue. For example, a disgruntled consumer, an angry ex-spouse, a competitor, or a peddler of gossip can now “vent” their frustrations about their victim cheaply, easily, and seemingly anonymously. A Google search of the victim’s name usually reveals the poisonous words for anyone that is interested.
The harm to reputation and character is real. A malicious customer review by a competitor could destroy a small business. A false accusation of adultery on a social networking site could destroy a marriage. An allegation that someone is a “crook” could be read by a potential employer or business partner.
After the grand finale with a Narcissist expect a smear campaign to occur. A smear campaign is pretty much what it sounds like – they are going to smear your name to your friends and family and try to do it first so that they come off looking like a victim instead of the nasty inhuman that they are. In this video I will explain the process and hopefully through my story give you some ideas on how to protect yourself, how to react, how to deal with the hurt and additional abuse of now having to defend your honor when it was them who was a horrible person.
Smear campaigns are a method of damage control that narcissists implement when they know they have been found out. A common smear campaign might involve portraying the former victim as some sort of crazy, bipolar, addict, alcoholic, unstable, good digger, thief, cheater, or bad parent. By creating a series of lies, exaggerations, half-truths, suspicions and false allegations about the victim’s behavior these serve to undermine the victim’s credibility and sanity. Reasons, why a smear campaign works so well to harm the victim, is: The victim loses trust in all friends and loses their support system, they become isolated, fearful and don’t know where to turn. Think of this as a ‘sorting hat’, from Harry Potter, this will be the weeding out of true friends and people you didn’t need in your life anymore.
To work out if you’re being bullied, it’s a good idea to collect together information about your experience, including notes about the way it made you feel. As soon as you think you might be being bullied, start documenting the experience, recording who said or did what to whom, why and when. If you have not been doing that up to now, it’s time to write down everything you can remember, using emails, messages, calendar entries and what have you, to build a time frame and supporting evidence.
Get a definition of bullying you can understand. We say that Bullying is conduct that cannot be objectively justified by a reasonable code of conduct, and whose likely or actual cumulative effect is to threaten, undermine, constrain, humiliate or harm another person or their property, reputation, self-esteem, self-confidence or ability to perform.
Consider how your experience fits with the definition. If there are many incidents, what happened? Could it be justified by a reasonable code of conduct? In other words, if you were accused of misconduct, do you think that your accuser had genuine grounds to believe that you had done whatever it was? Was there clear evidence that you were innocent? Was the evidence overlooked? If there was more than one incident, where each was tolerable in isolation, were they collectively more serious? How did the conduct affect you? Was it threatening, explicitly or implicitly? How did you feel about it, and so on.
Accusing someone of bullying is a serious matter that should not be done without very good reason. If your experience seems aligned with the descriptions on this website, it makes sense to spend some time checking your account and considering other possible explanations of what has happened. This can be difficult: If you’re being being psychologically manipulated and feeling guilty about things that are not your fault, or if you’re worried about the futility or danger of taking action against a known abuser, then you might jump to some other conclusion. On the other hand, even if you’re initially sure that you’re being treated unfairly, it’s important to take some time considering the possibility that you might be mistaken. If someone has treated you badly, have you made allowances for the way they behaved? Were they having an uncharacteristically bad day? Has this happened before? Is there a worrying pattern to their behaviour?
The manipulative leaders of narcissistic conspiracies find ways to covertly abuse the victim so they can escape accountability for their actions. The victim is made to feel like and look like the “crazy” one – and everyone is able to avoid individual responsibility for inflicting harm and participating in the conspiracy.
The Smear Campaign ~ View it as a badge of honor! Don’t let them bring you down, you’re too damned beautiful, courageous, intellegent and strong.
When healthy people feel upset about something, they may get angry. But toxic people don’t just get mad – they seethe – and wage a devious smear campaign. One of the clearest indicators you’ve got a mentally unstable person on your hands is smear campaigning. Smear campaigners carefully and strategically use lies, exaggerations, suspicions and false accusations to try destroying your credibility. They hide behind a cloak of upstanding heroism and feigned innocence in an attempt to make as many people as possible think their efforts are based not on their vindictiveness, but on upstanding concern.
As a smeared person, what you are most likely “guilty” of is saying no to someone who is, in some way, failing to respect your boundaries, refusing to follow the same rules as everyone else, or someone who is spreading toxicity and manipulating. Someone entitled. Someone sneaky and vindictive. Someone who is hurting you or taking too much.
Spotting a Bully: Patterns of Behavior
When someone snaps at you or ignores you because they are under Pressure or in a bad mood, that is not bullying. Bullying involves persistent, abusive, and frightening behavior designed to make the target feel upset, humiliated, and threatened. The following profile fits most bullies:
•Blames others for errors.
•Makes unreasonable demands
•Criticizes the work ability of others in front of others
•Inconsistent enforcement of arbitrary rules.
•Threats of job loss, insults and put downs.
•Downplays or denies accomplishments.
•Yells and screams at target, often in front of others.
•Takes credit for another person’s work.
•Women are targets of men 69% of the time.
•Women are targets of women eight to one times more often than men are.
A Bully Often
• Seeks to dominate and/or manipulate others.
• Enjoys feeling powerful and in control (whether real
• Is both a poor winner (boastful and arrogant) and a
• Seems to derive satisfaction from other’s fears,
discomfort or pain.
• Is good at hiding behaviors or doing them where those
in authority can’t notice
• Is excited by conflicts between others.
• Blames others for his/her problems.
• Displays uncontrolled anger (rage).
• May have a history of discipline problems.
• Displays a pattern of impulsive and aggressive behaviors.
• Displays intolerance
• May use drugs, alcohol or be recovering from the consumption/withdrawal
• Lacks empathy towards others
Bullying is Different from Harassment
Harassment is one type of illegal discrimination and is defined as offensive and unwelcome conduct; serious enough to adversely affect the terms and conditions of a person’s employment, which occurs because of the person’s protected
class, and can be imputed to the employer. Protected classes in employment are race/color, creed (religion), national origin, sex, marital status, disability, HIV/AIDS or Hepatitis C status, sexual orientation/gender identity, and honourably discharged veterans and military status.
An example of harassment could be when an employee tells racist jokes and refers to a particular co-worker or group of co-workers by using racial slurs, and after a complaint, the employer does nothing to stop the behavior. Another example of harassment could be a male manager who makes unwelcome sexual suggestions to a female employee and touches her inappropriately.
Bullying, on the other hand, is often directed at someone a bully feels threatened by. The target often doesn’t even realize when they are being bullied because the behavior is covert, through trivial criticisms and isolating actions that occur behind closed doors. While harassment is illegal; bullying in the workplace is not.
Someone Being Bullied Often
• Withdraws socially; has few or no friends.
• Feels isolated, alone and sad.
• Feels picked on or persecuted.
• Feels rejected and not liked.
• Frequently complains of illness.
• Doesn’t want to go to work or school
• Displays mood swings and talks
• Talks about leaving; talks of suicide.
• Threatens violence to self and others.
• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.
• May takes, or attempt to take, “protection” to work or school
• Displays “victim” body language—hangs head,
What Can A Person Do?
• Leave your emotions at the door.
• State your position respectfully, factually.
• Do not take a bully’s behavior personally.
• Try to clarify what the other is really saying by using mirroring.
• Make no assumptions.
• Ask questions and stay calm until you understand.
• Build trust by agreeing with the other.
• Alert the other to any problem you foresee.
• Do your homework and be well prepared before you talk.
• If the other has lost self control, politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom so he/she can calm down.
• Agree to do what the person is asking if not illegal or unethical.
A smear campaign is an intentional, premeditated effort to undermine an individual’s or group’s reputation, credibility, and character. Like negative campaigning, most often smear campaigns target government officials, politicians, political candidates, and other public figures. However, private persons or groups may also become targets of smear campaigns perpetrated in companies, institutions, the legal system, and other formal groups.
Smear tactics differ from normal discourse or debate in that they do not bear upon the issues or arguments in question. A smear is a simple attempt to malign a group or an individual with the aim of undermining their credibility.
Smears often consist of ad hominem attacks in the form of unverifiable rumours and distortions, half-truths, or even outright lies; smear campaigns are often propagated by gossip magazines. Even when the facts behind a smear campaign are demonstrated to lack proper foundation, the tactic is often effective because the target’s reputation is tarnished before the truth is known.
Smear campaigns can also be used as a campaign tactic associated with tabloid journalism, which is a type of journalism that presents little well-researched news and instead uses eye-catching headlines, scandal-mongering and sensationalism. For example, during Gary Hart’s 1988 presidential campaign (see below), the New York Post reported on its front page big, black block letters: “GARY: I’M NO WOMANIZER.”
Smears are also effective in diverting attention away from the matter in question and onto a specific individual or group. The target of the smear typically must focus on correcting the false information rather than on the original issue.
Deflection has been described as a wrap-up smear: “You make up something. Then you have the press write about it. And then you say, everybody is writing about this charge”.
Smear tactics are considered by many to be a low, disingenuous form of discourse; they are nevertheless very common.